When I Knew
by hawthorners
Summary: One question Wanda's always been wondering was when exactly did Ian start to care for her in a much more complicated way than being friends?


Disclaimer: If I own anything, I'll tell you.

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When I Knew

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Sweat forms on the back of my neck after a short time working in the fields. That's just one of the things I dislike about this body, with Melanie's the whole row would be tilled by now, but with Pet's I can't even work for ten minutes without becoming tired. I know I should rest, but they do so much for me. How can I repay that with this weak body? I start up again, determined to get this done by dinner. Beads of sweat gather on my forehead soon, and I know I have lost. I give up, putting the shovel back into the bin. I'll work on turning the soil tomorrow.

I glance at Ian, he's still working hard, starting on his second row. Melanie yells something at him and laughs. She's on her third. I giggle because the look on Ian's face is funny. Ian looks towards the spot where I was working, then his head moves side to side, confused.

"Ian!" I try to get his attention by waving my arms in the air. He sees me and his face lights up. Blush rises to my face making me hotter than I already am, another thing I dislike about my body. Although Ian says he likes it, I think he's just happy to see that he can make me blush so easily. Ian starts towards me and I glance towards the ground. I dislike being shy, in Melanie's body I would never break his stare. Now I can only take quick glances at the beautiful snow, sapphire and ink.

"Wanderer," Ian embraces me and whispers into my hair. Heat immediately floods my face and I bury myself in his chest. He brushes back my hair and takes my chin so I'm looking at him. "Are you hungry? We can go get something to eat if you'd like."

I shake my head, "No, I just needed a break. I think I'll go help Trudy in the kitchen." As much as I hate to admit it, I do get tired easily out here. I blush from embarrassment.

"You're sure?" I nod my head. "I'll walk you to the kitchen, then." He sighs and grabs my hand. We walk towards the kitchen in silence. When we get there, Ian stays for a couple of minutes.

He bends down and kisses me, "I love you more than life itself, my Wanderer."

I look at his feet and blush, muttering a sad excuse for a response, "I- I love you." He laughs quietly to himself.

"See you for dinner, okay?" I nod my head. Trudy and I peel potatoes for tonight's meal. When that's finished, I take over the task of boiling the soup. I mentally note that we need to go on a raid soon if we've been reduced to eating what's left of the potatoes and soup. Ian won't like me going on another raid.

Nearing dinnertime, I pour some soup for Ian and I. I remember that he doesn't like carrots, so I leave them aside. I take a tray and head over to our usual table with Jared and Melanie.

"Hey," a cheery Mel is unusual, but I don't push her with questions. She's tucked into Jared's side, so that must be why she's happy.

"Hello," I sit down and wait for Ian, nibbling on a carrot.

Just after Melanie's eyes flick upwards, soft, warm hands are on my shoulders. Ian whispers a greeting into my ear and I blush. Mel raises her eyebrow, and that results in more blushing. Ian sits down next to me. "I made you a plate," I motion to the bowl of soup and plate of potatoes and two rolls.

Ian smiles, "Thank you." I nod my head as a response. He starts eating immediately They must have worked him until the point of exhaustion. My frown doesn't go unnoticed by Ian. "What's wrong?" He asks.

I shake my head, "Nothing. Are you tired?" I pick at my roll subconsciously. Ian shrugs, then yawns. I frown again but cover it up by turning back to my unfinished meal.

By the time Ian finishes, I'm ready to go back to our room. We hold hands until we reach the door, which Ian has to open because I'm too weak. He closes it, too.

I curl up on our mattress and close my eyes. Soon Ian is there to lift me onto his chest. "Are you tired?" He echoes my question from earlier.

"No. Are you?" I ask. Pet's body makes the question come out innocent.

"If you aren't, then neither am I." I know he's lying, he yawned when we were eating dinner.

"You should sleep, they have you working too hard." I turn to look up at him until Pet's shyness takes over and I have to drop my gaze.

"I'm not falling asleep before you, it's ungentlemanly." I know it's because the last time he did, I was off set on giving Melanie back and having myself die.

"I love you, Ian," I sigh. He's the only kind human I've ever met. Except Melanie, but she still has her days.

"I love you, too, my Wanderer," Ian doesn't close his eyes, he keeps them locked on mine. I reach up to kiss him.

We break away so we can catch our breath. I giggle. "Since when?" Pet's body makes everything funny. She giggles at almost everything. _I_ giggle at almost everything. It's impossible to be serious, most of the time.

"Since forever," Ian laughs, too. I hadn't meant for it to come out innocent and silly.

I try to relax the muscles in my face. "When did forever start?" I stare at him, unable to look away but unable to stop the blood rushing to my face.

"I guess, I- That night whe- Well, it grew on me over time, I guess." Blood was now rushing to _his _face. "At first I only wanted to protect you, but then Jared came back from the raid and you told me not to get in his way. Your selflessness was the first thing that I noticed. It grew stronger the night when-" He stopped short. He must've seen the confused look wash over me. "When Kyle, uh, when he attacked you. But you saved him, you didn't let him fall." I stayed quiet. "You looked like you couldn't believe I would go to Jeb for a tribunal for him, for my brother. But back then, you were everything. You were so much more. I swore to myself I wouldn't let anyone hurt you, and if they did I would kill them." Ian looked like anger was pulsing as strongly as his blood. He wouldn't meet my eyes. "I almost lost you, and I realized that if I did lose you, I couldn't bear it." His voice catches. I know that we're both thinking of when I left to save Melanie. "That's when I knew I loved you," he whispers.

"I'm sorry," is the only response I can manage. Tears fill my eyes.

"For what?" He wipes the falling tear drop and kisses where he stopped it.

"For everything I've put you through." The apology was sincere. Guilt fills my heart. I was so set on making Jamie and Jared happy, but I was wrong. It wouldn't have been better for Ian if I gave Melanie back. He wouldn't have moved on. I take his face in my hands and kiss him, trying to show him what I can't say. His hands tangle through my golden hair.

"I wouldn't trade it for any other, simple, normal, or pre-apocalyptic life." More tears spill over now. Without the souls here he would have had a normal life. I don't know why I'm so emotional tonight, but I am. I curl up closer and press myself against him. I feel the heat radiating off of him and hear his heart beat. He leans down to kiss me, pressing his hand against the small of my back bringing me closer. I put my hands on his chest and keep his lips pressed to mine, never wanting this moment to end.

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Sorry for the spelling errors, if there were any. I just wanted to write something o'wanda based.

I hope you liked it, reviews are much appreciated! :)


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